Shakespeare's Best Comebacks

This is not your typical post about Shakespeare's insults: these are the 10 best insults from Shakespeare's plays used as comebacks to other insults. Without further ado, let's dive in.

1) "What a brazen-faced varlet art thou...you rogue...I'll make a sop o' th' moonshine of you, you whoreson, cullionly barbermonger." (King Lear, II.2.28-33)

This comeback occurs during a face-off between Kent, in disguise, and Oswald. They exchange words at the door to Gloucester's castle, and Oswald walks into a slew of insults from Kent. He retorts––but that only spurs Kent further, who plumbs the depths of his vocabulary to threaten Oswald to a sword fight.

2) "Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter!" (King Lear, II.2.65)

This is yet another gem from an interaction between Kent and Oswald. According to Merriam-Webster, the letter "z" was even rarer in Shakespeare's time than it is today. In fact, its use in the 4th Century BC was so rare that "z" was dropped from the Latin alphabet.

3) "What though you have no beauty–– / As, by my faith, I see no more in you / Than without candle may go dark to bed–– / Must you be therefore proud and pitiless?... I see no more in you than in the ordinary / Of nature's sale work." (As You Like It, III.5.41-8)

This is a unique comeback: Rosalind, disguised as Ganymede, is responding to an insult that was not directed to her. She overhears Phoebe scorning Silvius, and makes it her mission to take Phoebe down a notch. 

4) "Peace, you fat guts!" (Henry IV, Part 1, II.2.33)

This is the Prince's response to Falstaff's fit after Poins takes away his horse. Falstaff has called Poins and the Prince "stony-hearted villains" (II.2.27) and wished a plague upon them (II.2.29) when the Prince quiets him––for just a moment––with this blunt remark.

5) "You are not worth another word, else I'd call you knave." (All's Well That Ends Well, II.3.278-9)

By this point, Lafew has had enough of Parolles's verbosity. "Knave" is one of Shakespeare's favorite words, appearing at least 114 times in his plays.

6) "The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord!" (Troilus and Cressida, II.1.12-3)

Ajax has just called Thersites a "bitch-wolf's son" and slapped him when the cynical critic replies with this insult. This is the only place in Shakespeare where the insult "beef-witted"––which means thick-headed or brainless––appears.

7) "Speak then, thou vinewed leaven, speak. I will beat thee into handsomeness." (Troilus and Cressida, II.1.14-5)

This comeback is Ajax's retort to the quote from Thersites that makes up #6 of this post. They both draw from the lexicon of foods to insult one another. Here, "vinewed" means  rotten or decaying. 

8) "I do desire we may be better strangers." (As You Like It, III.2.263)

This comment is Orlando's reply to the melancholy Jacques, who has just suggested to him: "Let's meet as little as we can" (III.2.262). Orlando and Jacques are not having a positive interaction, but, surprisingly, this is not quite the end of it.

9) "You, minion, are too saucy." (Two Gentlemen of Verona, I.2.99)

Julia and Lucetta are engaged in a playful discussion of which of Julia's suitors is the best when they get into a spat. Shakespeare makes use of the multiple senses of the word "minion": here, Julia is pointing out her rank (as Lucetta is her servant) and insulting Lucetta's honor ("minion" can mean "hussy").

10) "I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor, base, rascally, cheating lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master...Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you basket-hilt stale juggler, you." (Henry IV, Part 2, II.4.124-33)

We've saved one of the best for last. At Mistress Quickly's tavern, Pistol insults Doll Tearsheet. The original insult––an insult to Doll's honor––and her comeback are laden with sexual innuendos. So Doll picks up on the sexual vocabulary used by Pistol to turn it against him: a "lack-linen mate" is nude; "bung" calls to mind the anus; and the word "thrust" immediately brings to mind the sexual act. As for the last in the string of insults, "basket-hilt stale juggler" takes aim at Pistol's poor sword wielding.